The virus and the boy - Alexander Sotnik

This old woman with a scythe was called for a long, very long time, the name of the whole world was. After all, both Europe and America wholeheartedly kissed the gums of this impudent horseman of the Apocalypse, who, in a fit of nostalgia for the USSR, proclaimed: “We will go to heaven, and they will simply die! ..” Now we can congratulate the entire human population on the “hit”. This supposedly mouse virus, in fact, turned out to be a gift from the post-scoop, multiplied by Chinese carelessness, turned upside down the whole world, which had endured the "red" regimes for so long, stubbornly posing as progressive democratic, with elements of local flavor.

When the debriefing of the flight begins (if, of course, there is someone to conduct it), upon closer examination it turns out that the coronavirus is a natural fruit of the hidden cooperation of inquisitive virologists from some countries affected by the bacillus of communism. This should have happened with the frivolous connivance of the languid political establishment of the West.

Europe is already affected today not by the Wuhan virus, but by the result of its mutation, and no virologist will tell you with absolute certainty how many mutations are possible yet? Also, no one will take the liberty of declaring what awaits those who have been ill: complete healing with the acquisition of immunity to a particular strain, or does it take several weeks, months, or - years - to wait? According to mathematical estimates based on well-known data, if we take the starting point from April 1, 2020, the United States expects the peak of the epidemic in 12 weeks; Italy, Spain, France - after 9, Canada is better to prepare for the main wave in August-September. Russia will be hit by coronavirus outrage in 13-14 weeks, and the scale of the epidemic will be the same as in Italy and Spain. The height of the coronavirus tsunami wave will be directly proportional to the level of indifference of the post-Soviet population, who believes either in God, or in Putin, or only in what they see on TV. And on TV there is no virus. It also does not taste, buzz or bite. Doesn't stink or hurt your eyes. And if Chernobyl taught them to believe in radiation (and before it, radiation was a horror story for bespectacled people who had read books on physics), then a virus is generally a funny character, in front of whose threat it’s not just crap - and it’s indecent to cough! So the sovkopitheks walk around, flaunting in front of each other: “We are not afraid of the gray wolf! Whoever put on a mask is a sick man!..»

With this approach to serious challenge, savages are doomed. And the first swallows have already flown. First - foreign tourists, including fans of Turkey, Thailand and other minions of Courchevel. Following them are the visiting artists. And now Lev Leshchenko came down with bilateral pneumonia with his wife, and Igor Nikolaev, and everyone who contacted them, tensed to the point of impossibility. And in the government, some comrades also fell ill. But the persistent Peskov moves his mustache, overcoming a coughing fit: "In fact, there is no coronavirus epidemic in Russia!" It will not exist without a separate order from Putin. And the order will be signed after a suffocating dry cough seizes the dwarf by the throat.

The boy who has swung at the lifelong kingdom is strangled by fear. For it is clueless to impose martial law and a curfew in Moscow. After all, even the Constitution has not yet been raped properly, the boyhood has not yet been elevated to an eternal kingdom, and no one has sworn allegiance to the godfather-sovereign. The military are rude and concrete people. While you rearrange the generals on the floor, you bank, but as soon as you have to become dependent, the probability of a coup increases several times. Putin is accustomed to humiliating the army, putting at the head either the thief-furniture maker Serdyukov, or the pseudo-general Shoigu who has not served for a day. And he was also used to regularly thinning the ranks of generals, firing batches of suspicious warriors in batches. Well, how will they come to an agreement and issue impeachment with one blow of the snuffbox? But the damn coronavirus put the cunning "boy" in a humiliating position: now he is forced to wait for mercy from fate and pray, smashing icons with a vengeance. If only they did not overthrow their own and punish others ...

And there are rumors around the country, spurred on by viral videos: hundreds of buses with soldiers are going to Moscow, but trucks and armored personnel carriers are moving towards the capital. And the population begins to suspect: there will be no front line, it will not be possible to sit out in the rear, and if a turmoil begins, everyone will be rolled over. In the name of peace and health, they will roll up.

Then, after some time, when the world clears its throat and comes to its senses - these crazy regimes, as rudiments of humanity, will be charged. The much-publicized "Chinese miracle" will inevitably end, and China will pay a terrible price for the Wuhan experiment. It's just that no one wants to collect iPhones and sew jeans in toxic territory. Therefore, production will return to its original territories: German brands will return production to Germany, Italian brands to Italy, American brands to the USA. Russia is simpler in this regard: it has no production and technology, with the exception of military developments inherited from the USSR. And she had no miracle, but there was Putin, who will soon be recognized as one continuous disappointment. But this is if the coronavirus eats it. Or the military will shoot. Or be torn apart by the crowd. Or he just dies.

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Alexander Vladimirovich Sotnik (born 1968) - Russian writer, publicist, performer of obscene yard songs, radio and TV announcer, Youtube video blogger broadcasting about Russia from abroad.

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